March 2010 is our 2nd anniversary. More than 5 500 people have viewed the website. We now also advertise on facebook which should see an increase in awareness of our website and, hopefully, also an increase in the number of reunions. Officially, we know there have been 49 reunions. I am sure there are more which we haven’t been told about. A big thank you to Kate and Romé. We also say thank you to everyone who has assisted us and your continued support.
In my previous blog I mentioned biological mothers who are “stuck” in the past. Because most biological mothers never received proper counselling at the time of giving up their babies, they have not been able to properly deal with all the emotions of that relinquishment. This results in biological mothers having the same shame, fear and hurt as they did back then. They have tried to bury all these feelings. Part of the fear is being judged by others. That society has moved on from harshly judging unmarried mothers doesn’t mean much to them. And then there’s the secrecy. Keeping a secret is unhealthy. Studies have shown that unresolved emotional issues eventually have an impact on one’s physical health. It also affects other aspects of a biological mother’s life.
My request to biological mother’s who still have this secret is, please talk to somebody about it. If you feel you can’t confide in somebody close to you, then send me an e-mail (anne@adoptionreconnect.org). I will help and support you. You owe it to yourself and to your child, especially your child. Stop punishing yourself!
Anne
3 March 2010
Well now, here we are - a couple of weeks into the new year. Judging from the increased activity on our website, it appears some of you made a new year’s resolution to do something about finding the “missing” person. Make no mistake, with all the uncertainty, it takes some courage to take this step.
Two recent reunions reinforced some thoughts I have previously expressed. The first one was that a lot of biological mothers’ feelings and emotions are stuck back in the time of the birth of their children. I will expand on this in my next blog.
The second one was about the timing of a search. Is one ever completely ready for it? No, because there are too many unknowns. Make the decision to face your “demons” and take the plunge. One of the biological mothers in a recent reunion decided, at the age of 71, to tell her daughter (“D”) about a sister she never knew she had. That “D” found her sister’s post on our website the day after, is absolutely amazing. However, my appeal to all biological mothers and fathers – don’t wait until you are 71 …..! It could be too late.
On a very personal note, I would like to publicly thank my friends for their unwavering and loving support during my own reunion. They cried and laughed with me. They patiently listened while I went on and on about Kate. It is difficult to adequately express what it means to me. Thank you - I love you all.
Anne
17 January 2010