Blog
We are about to say goodbye to 2011 and welcome 2012. What does the future hold? Will our plans come to fruition? We don't know. To quote Robert Burns:
The best laid schemes o' Mice an' Men,
Gang aft agley,
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy!
(The best laid schemes of Mice and Men
oft go awry,
And leave us nothing but grief and pain,
For promised joy!)
Robert Burns, To a Mouse (Poem, November, 1785)
Scottish national poet (1759 - 1796)
Things don’t always go according to plan. Does that mean we should not make any plans? Of course not. What it means is we should have a plan B. For people who decide to start searching, be prepared for not having immediate success. For adoptees, it also means that sometimes the biological parent has passed away.
I would like to share the latest reconnection we’ve had. The biological mother, with the assistance of a friend, sent us her search details in 2009. A couple of days after her 47th birthday, her daughter googled her birth name. Voilà! Her birth name was listed on our website. The daughter told me she didn’t know what prompted her to google her birth name. In this instance, the biological mother’s plans went awry, but did not leave her “nothing but grief and pain.” It brought her much joy.
We wish you all the best for the New Year.
Anne
27 December 2011
Believe it or not – when it comes to adoption records, South Africa is more advanced than most states in America. I have read a few American blogs and websites where adoptees express their frustration and anger at not being allowed access to their original birth certificates or their adoption files.
This brings me to unregistered/illegal adoptions. We have a small number of people who were registered as the “natural” child of their adoptive parents. This was done with the assistance of some medical staff who clearly did not think of the child or the future. What they failed to realise is that at some stage the truth will out. And it’s not only the ignorance of crucial medical history I’m referring to. It’s the right of everyone to know who they are and where they come from, irrespective of whether or not the adoptee wants to meet his/her biological family.
To end on a positive note, is the recent reconnection facilitated by us. A biological mother mustered the courage to tell her two sons that they have an older brother who was given up for adoption. This was on the Friday. The same evening the older of her two sons contacted us with the search details. I found his brother on another website on the Sunday. This was unusual and rarely is somebody found so quickly. The point I am making is the importance of biological parents telling their families about their daughter/son who was adopted.
Anne
4 December 2011
It's been a while since my last blog and this was mainly due to a project I was busy on at work, not because I didn't have anything to say ;).
I was asked the same question by two people who got me thinking. The question was: "What about the (unrelated) spouse of a biological mother or adoptee - where do they fit into a reunion?"
The spouse has been the partner to the b-mother or adoptee and they have built a relationship. Most times, certainly in the case of adoptees, the spouse is aware of the partner having been adopted. The spouse has been supportive of the search and reunion. It is important for the b-mother and adoptee to share their feelings with the partner, to try and explain the hole in their lives because of the "missing" person.
A reunion usually follows a pattern. There is an initial euphoria and honeymoon period. The honeymoon period is a very descriptive term. As with newlyweds, the b-mother and adoptee are totally immersed in each other. There is a hunger for information and both tend to "eat, drink and sleep" each other. It often results in partners and siblings being ignored. Let me say upfront, it is not a deliberate ignoring of others. It happens without thinking. This is usually a temporary state of affairs. If, after a couple of months it doesn't appear to be abating, then the partner / sibling can gently (and with love) remind the b-mother / adoptee that they are also part of their lives.
This is one of the reasons why it is recommended the adoptee and b-mother receive counselling with a reunion, especially if a lasting relationship is to be built between everyone concerned (including spouses and siblings) and not forgetting adoptive parents and family.
There are two research papers by the Benevolent Society in Australia which you will find helpful. Please take time to read them and share them with others involved in a reunion:
Anne
4 September 2011
It is already the end of January - the festive season is over, children are back at school and we are doing normal, everyday things. Sue (a big supporter of our website) recently asked me a question regarding the website's statistics and advertising. I previously mentioned the website statistics in my blog dated 19 July 2009. Here is where we currently stand:
993 registered searchers, 11,034 new visitors and 17,373 visits.
Of the 993 searchers, 51 are Zimbabwean and 11 from other neighbouring countries.
November 2010 saw a big spike in numbers and I recently found out it was due to the website being mentioned in a Keur magazine article. This month has seen the highest numbers across the board.
Which brings me to Sue's other question - advertising. I am aware a large majority of biological mothers (and fathers) do not have home computers or even access to computers. This also applies to some older adoptees. As soon as we receive funding, adverts will be placed in popular magazines and some of the major newspapers. Until then, we rely on "word of mouth". My appeal to you is please put our contact details in your local (suburban / town) newspaper or your church leaflet - even the community notice board at your local supermarket or shopping centre. Anywhere you think it will be useful. There are a lot of people out there who are not aware they can make use of a service like ours. You will probably never know the person (or people) you will have helped - but I can guarantee you this - somebody will be helped by you doing something to make our organisation known.
Our contact details are:
Fax number: 086 697 6958
Cell number: 072 796 6929 (SMS only)
PO Box 195
Table View
7439
Take care.
Anne
30 January 2011
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