Hints & Tips
General
Adoption File
Have you submitted your current contact details to the Welfare Agency or Registrar of Adoptions to be placed on the adoption file?
Don't shut the door
If you are contacted, but not yet ready to receive the other person in your life, please don't shut the door. Rather use an intermediary to explain to the other person that you need time.
An intermediary
If possible, use an independent intermediary for the initial contact. It will give the other person time to prepare themselves and/or their families for the reunion. An intermediary can be a social worker, therapist or your church minister.
Personal Information
Is kept confidential. E-mail addresses, phone numbers, ID numbers etc are not displayed and are not given/sold to a third party.
Emigration
There is a possibility that the other party may have emigrated. Links to some other countries’ adoption websites are provided in the Resources page.
Other person's point of view Consider the other person and the feelings they may have. Weigh up all the possibilities.
Other important information
Adoptees
Involve your (adoptive) family
If possible, tell your adoptive family and/or partner about your intentions to search for your biological family and why you are wanting to do so. You are not being disloyal towards your adoptive parents.
Negative response
Be aware that, for whatever reason, there may be an initial negative response from a biological parent. This possibility should not stop you from searching for your biological parents. Through counselling a negative response can change to a positive one.
Siblings
Research has shown that siblings are receptive to a reunion. However, please don't take them for granted.
Support
Searches and reunions are very emotional and should not be undertaken alone.
Biological Parents
Family
If you haven't done so already, tell your spouse/partner and/or children about the child you gave up for adoption and your intention to search for this child.
Limited contact
The child you are seeking may only want limited contact. Be patient and give them time to resolve any issues they may have. Allow the adoptee to set the pace of a reunion.
Adoptee's family
Acknowledge your child's adoptive family - they remain his/her family. Your child has two families, with different relationships within them.
Partners of Biological Parents
Adoptive Parents
Please support your adopted child during this process. An adoptee's relationship with a biological parent usually strengthens the relationship with the adoptive parents.
An adoptee's search for his/her biological heritage/roots does not mean they do not love you or are being disrespectful. Most adoptees carry some guilt about searching for their biological mothers/families.
You have a bond with them and are a witness to their childhood. You are an important part of their lives and you can (and should) continue to be so.
"If a mother can love more than one child,
why is it so impossible
for a child
to love more than one mother?"
(Unknown)